Chapter 14
As Ren said, he and Kathryn did not in fact talk about it when they returned to the house. Instead, they sat down to a silent, very uncomfortable meal with Zafiyah, Brenin, and Chance. Brenin seemed to be holding his tongue with an effort, and his face was stormy. Neither Kathryn nor Ren touched their food, and Kathryn soon excused herself, saying she was tired.
Ren watched her go with an expression that Chance was surprised to see was more angry than sad. Then Ren stood up abruptly, the movement knocking over his chair, and left the table without a word.
Chance looked apologetically at Zafiyah. “Sorry about them. They’re trying to work through some of their unresolved relationship flaws.”
Zafiyah tossed her head without a reply and left the table. “Guess she’s still mad,” he muttered. Brenin mumbled something under his breath and left as well.
Chance started back to his room, but paused at the door when he saw Ren sitting moodily on his bed inside. Something told him that the young general wanted advice, and Chance couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do less than try to give relationship advice at that particular moment.
But as he turned to go, Ren heard the footsteps and looked up quickly. Chance ducked out of sight just in time, but he heard him say, “Chance, is that you?”
Chance hurried away from the room, but he could hear Ren following. “Why won’t you just sleep it off?” the older man muttered in annoyance before ducking into the kitchen to hide.
At which point he smacked into Zafiyah, knocking her flat. “Whoops! Sorry, my lady! Are you alright?” He reached out to help her up, but she slapped his hand away with a disdainful look.
“Are you going to pretend to be polite now?” she demanded angrily. “After all your rudeness and…and…and your obnoxious, pretentious charm?”
Chance started to respond, then got distracted by the last word. “Wait, you think I’m charming?” he began.
“Th-that’s not the point! Just because you’re handsome doesn’t mean you can act like that with me.” She crossed her arms petulantly, and then Chance noticed what she had in her hand and grinned widely.
“You came into the kitchen to steal pastries?” he asked gently. “And here I thought you were a proper lady all this time.”
“They’re my pastries,” she retorted. “What are you doing here?”
“Hiding from Ren,” Chance replied easily. He paused. All of a sudden he was aware that she was standing very close to him, and he backed away. “Anyway, I’m sorry I ran into you. I’ll leave now.”
“Wait! Aren’t you going to apologize first?” she demanded, putting her hand on his arm.
Chance prided himself on being quick-witted, but right now, his mind seemed to be working pretty slowly. In fact, he didn’t even hear her until she repeated, “You should apologize!”
“What am I going to apologize for?” he questioned, trying to recover his equanimity. “I never say anything I don’t mean.”
“You were rude, and I-”
The door to the kitchen banged open, and the two jumped guiltily as though they’d been caught in the middle of a crime. Ren stood looking at them quizzically with his hand still on the doorknob. He observed their red faces and how deliberately far away from each other they were and said, “Don’t mind me. I’ll come back later.”
“It’s not what you think!” Chance burst out, which was immediately followed by a sense of embarrassment mixed with confusion as to why he cared when Ren thought.
Zafiyah glanced at him, then smirked and threw her arms around her neck, looking up at him coyly. “Oops, it looks like we’ve been caught,” she said.
Chance glared down at her as he pushed her arms away. “You’re enjoying this way too much, aren’t you? I can see exactly what you’re thinking of, and the answer is no; you’re not using me to try to make anyone jealous,” he whispered angrily before calling to Ren, “You had something you wanted to talk to me about, right?”
“I thought you were hiding from him,” Zafiyah reminded, crossing her arms petulantly.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Chance threw back at her. “It’s safer in his room.”
Before she could reply, he dragged Ren away down the hall. And surprisingly, after he left, Zafiyah actually blushed a little, and a smile played around her lips as she went to find more pastries.
In the meantime, Ren and Chance sat down on their beds, and Ren burst out, “I don’t understand Kat at all. She’s real mad at me this time, and I don’t get why! I only did what I’ve always done. And anyway, she’s the one who wanted us to come here, and she’s the one who thought it’d be a good idea for me to fight so she could be a lady. And I’ve told her I love her, and she won’t say she doesn’t love me, but she won’t say she does either. What am I supposed to do about that? I’m so frustrated right now, and I don’t know why she’s acting like this!” Ren finished his rant and sat huffing with a red face, waiting for his friend to respond.
Chance was quiet for a moment, which was unusual in itself. Then he said, “But can’t you understand at least a little where she is coming from?”
Ren looked at him reproachfully. “How am I supposed to understand something that doesn’t make any sense?” he snapped.
“Well, from your perspective, you’re a fellow who just wants to protect the woman you love. But try to imagine the whole thing was reversed. You’re a prince, and someone brings you this little girl; a child around your age, to be, say, your maid. She cleans and cooks for you. She doesn’t want to be there and she’s completely separate from her family, but over the years, she gets used to it and she convinces herself she’s in love with you. Would you think it was responsible to accept her love? Would it be the right thing to do with her when she hasn’t known anything else and doesn’t have any other choice? When you have the power to hurt her, send her away, or do whatever you want with her?”
Ren tried to protest, but Chance held up a hand to stop him. “Now, you look at yourself and you see a big man who is a warrior, who knows his own mind. That little girl looks at herself and sees a girl who cleans like a woman, who cooks like a woman, who can manage a household and perform her duties well. But ultimately, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything outside of that life. So how is she going to say if that life is what she wants?”
Frustrated, Ren replied, “But I’m an adult; I’m capable of deciding for myself. I could have left her, but I didn’t!”
“And she’s always going to be asking if you didn’t because you were raised in such a way that you can’t.” Chance smiled. “I don’t know when I became a matchmaker, but that’s the truth. From what little I’ve seen, I think she probably does love you. She really does care. But there’s a part of her that is always going to think that you’re just what your upbringing has made you until she sees you making your own decisions apart from her. How many decisions have you made that weren’t for her sake or at her command?”
To his own surprise, Ren couldn’t think of how to respond.
Chance repeated, “In your whole life, how many decisions have you made that were according to your own wishes that didn’t involve her? What are your hobbies or the things you enjoy doing when you’re not with her? How often do you spend time with friends? Do you even have any friends?” He paused and then said more gently, “What would you do if she died? Who are you without Kathryn?”
The words fell like boulders. Ren had never thought about such a thing in his life. And in that second, he did understand exactly what Kathryn had been trying and failing to say.
Ren said in a low voice, “Actually…you’re my first.”
“Huh?”
“My first friend. Outside of Kat.” Ren rubbed his forehead wearily. “I don’t know, Chance; I’m so confused right now. I wish I could go into the next couple days without feeling confused at least!”
“Just take it a bit slower,” Chance advised gently. “You’re going to survive the Contest, and then you’ll have plenty of time to figure it all out. You’ll have time to make friends and decide who you are and who you want to be.”
“I thought I already knew,” Ren muttered.
Chance smiled and leaned forward to pat him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry; your friend will be here until you figure things out. What would you guys do without me, seriously?”
Ren managed a grin. “I dunno; I would be fine, but I guess Zafiyah wouldn’t be able to manage without you.”
Chance blushed hard and glared at him. “When you start acting like me, that’s when we know it’s time for you to go to bed. Good night.” He flopped over on his bed and pulled the covers up as Ren snickered at him.
But as Ren laid his head down on his pillow, he felt like the solid ground he’d been standing on since he met Kathryn was coming to pieces under his feet. And for that reason, he found it very difficult to sleep that night.
The next morning, Ren surprised all of them by failing to show up for breakfast. Zafiyah picked at her food for a full minute before demanding, “What did you say to the General last night, girl?” Brenin’s eyes were fixed on Kathryn as they waited for her reply.
Kathryn didn’t look up from her food as she said, “I wouldn’t think that was any of your business, Lady Zafiyah.”
“Don’t give me that. You’re staying in my house,” Zafiyah shot back. “And I think you should-”
Before she could finish, one of the servants approached and said, “Lady Zafiyah, your mother is here. She said she wishes to meet your guests.”
Chance, who was watching Zafiyah without even realizing it, saw her face turn absolutely white. She said, “Oh…show her in please.”
Chance pushed away his food and stood up to welcome the woman who entered the room. Her mannerisms were far more elegant and graceful than her daughter’s, but she had the same beautiful features, and though her dark hair was graying, there were few lines on her face. Still, there was a cold, hard look in her amethyst eyes that they had never seen in Zafiyah’s.
The woman gave Kathryn and Chance both a contemptuous look and then said brusquely, “What are your names?”
“Mother,” Zafiyah interjected, standing up hastily. “Aren’t you even going to greet me? I’m afraid you missed the General; he is out training, I believe.”
“I am aware,” she replied coldly. “I came to meet the traitor princess of Iridalys and…” she turned her icy eyes to Chance’s face, and for some reason, he actually felt himself taking a step back at the pure murderous hatred and disdain in them. “This slave,” she finished.
The three young people all started violently. For some reason, Brenin didn’t seem surprised at all.
Zafiyah began, “No, he’s not a slave! He’s a citizen of Iridalys-”
“Don’t lie to me, Zafiyah. I know he was a slave before. A friend told me.” The woman crossed her arms and glared at him. “Don’t tell me you have actually grown in affection for this animal despite knowing that.”
“I am not a slave,” Chance said quietly. “I was once, but my freedom was purchased.”
“Is that so? Shall I contact your former master to find out?” the woman retorted.
“That might be difficult. He’s dead. He died soon after I got my freedom, years ago.”
“I would like to see for myself if what you are saying is true. I can’t have an escaped slave hiding in my home. What is your master’s name?” she snapped.
“I don’t recall,” Chance replied shortly, his eyes narrowing with annoyance.
“Then what is your name?”
“Chance Frey.”
“Mother-Lady Nour, please,” Zafiyah interjected. “They are my guests. There is no reason to treat them like this.”
“Did you think I would stand by and watch my daughter fall for trash like that?” Lady Nour was seething with rage. “I would see you dead first. And mind you, it is the same to me if he once was a slave or if he is still a slave. He does not belong at the same table as you; a dog like him can eat the scraps off the floor.” As she spoke, she snatched up his plate and threw it on the floor, where it shattered in a dozen pieces. Chance stood stiffly, his gaze locked onto her enraged face.
“Lady Nour,” Kathryn said quietly. “Must you make such a display? If you have been hearing about the Contest, you know that General Ren, my champion, and the man your daughter is sponsoring, is among those favored to win. Should he win, he will obtain favor from the king, as well as an opening into the nobility.”
“And what exactly is your point?” Lady Nour demanded.
“Simply that Chance is our friend. It is your decision if you wish to estrange yourself, but we tend to protect our friends.” Kathryn put a hand on Chance’s arm and he started and glanced down at her. She gave him a reassuring smile before turning to look at Lady Nour once again. “You can start by learning the difference between dogs and humans,” she said deliberately.
Lady Nour turned bright red and raged, “You are taking advantage of my hospitality, yet you dare to insult me in this fashion?”
“I do not recall insulting you. We are of course grateful for your hospitality; however, should it be withdrawn, we will find another place to stay.” Kathryn stood her ground with a perfectly calm face and even tone.
Lady Nour seemed to feel she was getting the worst end of the discussion. She gave a final glare before leaving. But Zafiyah whirled on Kathryn. “Why did you do that?” she exclaimed.
Kathryn and Chance both felt rather uneasy as they saw how genuinely terrified she looked. She was perspiring, and her face was still very pale. But Kathryn only said, “I do not appreciate people who treat humans as property.” Brenin watched the frightened young woman grimly.
She blurted, “I don’t care about your idealistic differences! But you can’t provoke her like that! Once you do, she won’t stop until she has completely destroyed you.” Zafiyah lowered her eyes. “I think you should leave.”
“We don’t have any money or any place to stay,” Chance began, but Kathryn tapped his shoulder to silence him.
“All right,” she said. “Thank you for allowing us to stay all this time, Lady Zafiyah.” She curtsied and turned to go with Brenin at her heels. But Chance hesitated to follow.
“Are you sure about this?” Chance’s green eyes focused on Zafiyah’s face, but she would not meet his gaze.
“I am.”
Chance softened and spoke with unusual earnestness. “Zafiyah…my lady, I understand that you are scared. But…I’ve been scared of a parent before, and I can promise you it doesn’t get better by just putting up with it in silence. You have to let others help you, and-”
“You don’t know anything.” Zafiyah turned her back on him. “Just leave, Chance. She was right anyway. A former slave doesn’t belong here.”
The words cut him a lot deeper than he expected. He bit his lip and turned away to follow Kathryn.
Ren met them outside. Something about him had changed, though. Instead of his usual ready smile, he had a grim, determined expression on his face. And his normally easy stride was firmer somehow as well.
“Ren?” Kathryn began.
“I already heard we’re gonna have to find another place to sleep,” Ren said wryly. “That’s kind of the last thing I’m worrying about right now, though. Today is supposed to be brawling in groups of five. I’m probably going to get injured, maybe badly.”
“What do you mean? You can handle yourself pretty well against anyone, can’t you?” Chance questioned, grateful for a new subject to focus on.
“Brawls are a bit different. There’s just an awful lot going on on all sides, and it’s totally unpredictable. Plus, I looked at the registers this morning while you guys were eating breakfast. Valen is in my group. I can take him one on one, but if he decides to ally up with any of the other guys, I’m going to be in serious trouble.” Ren glanced at Kathryn. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. But we have to be realistic. I’m not coming away completely unscathed after today.”
“Uh…well, that’s bleak,” Chance began.
“You could quit,” Kathryn said softly. “I wouldn’t blame you.”
Brenin looked pleased by the suggestion, but his hopes were immediately dashed.
“Nah, you know that’s not my style.” Ren finally gave her a half smile. “I’m gonna fight it out. I just wanted you to be prepared. And I don’t want to be on bad terms with you ahead of it, just in case. It’d make me feel better to know you’re not mad at me anymore. And in case you’re wondering…” he paused and glanced over his shoulder at her. “I do know what you were saying now. I’m still not sure how to respond. I’m kind of slow with those kinds of things, right? But…if you want to wait, I understand why. And I really will try to become someone you can believe you’re allowed to love, and someone who can give you all the love you deserve in the right way.”
Kathryn was speechless for a moment. A single tear trickled down her cheek as she stared at him. Then his half smile broke into a full grin and he said, “Don’t cry, Kat. I’m not planning to lose. I’m going to come out of this and then we’ll figure out our problems. Okay?”
Kathryn brushed at her eyes and nodded. “Stay alive,” was all she said.
He nodded. “That’s the plan.” Then he walked into the arena amid cheers and howls of excitement from the crowd.
Brenin muttered, “If he doesn’t come out all right, I’ll never forgive you.”
“I know,” Kathryn said quietly.
Chance said, “He’s strong, Miss Kathryn. He’ll get out of this.”
“Call me Kathryn,” she said without looking at him. For some reason, in spite of Ren’s ominous words, she didn’t feel nearly as afraid as she had the past few days. Ren’s back was straight and looked strong enough to carry the world as he strode forward with the group of five warriors who would soon be in a fight to the death. While they had swords, shields, and spears, he carried only a staff. But as they took their positions, Ren glanced over at Kathryn, smiled, and raised his staff in salute. And she felt herself smiling in return. He’ll be alright, she told herself. Somehow, he’s always made it through.
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