Loyalty Fallen Book 1 reached its final chapter last week, and I promised a wrap-up blog post to cover the reception of the story, the mistakes I’ve made along the way, as well as some timelines and explanations that will be helpful in understanding the story up to this point. I’ll also talk about what to expect for part two and what the plans are for the rest of the series.

Loyalty Fallen’s audience

Loyalty Fallen didn’t get a great reception. Part of it is that I have no idea how to market it, and part of it is that I believe I made some noteworthy mistakes along the way. Nonetheless, I’ve very much enjoyed writing the first book and I am pressing ahead with the second, which will be serialized here on the website starting in November. I’ve had a few folks who have at least kept up with the blog, and a number of people have seen artworks related to Loyalty Fallen on the platforms where I share my art.

I didn’t plan on making any money with Loyalty Fallen; it’s merely a passion piece, so the reception was about what I expected.

Mistakes

I mentioned that I felt I had made a number of mistakes when it came to the first book. The main mistake, which was pointed out to me by several people, was a lack of clear descriptions of characters and scenes.

This is particularly because I used to do a lot of exposition and descriptions in my earlier projects, and I’ve now overcorrected too far in the other direction. It’s something I’ll be working hard to improve in the second book.

The second mistake I made was introducing a number of characters quite early. For example, you meet Dorian, Dena (who you’ve probably forgotten about by now if you’ve been reading for a while), Kathryn, Ren, Illian, and the list goes on. It could be quite challenging to keep all those characters straight.

The third mistake I believe I made was not putting readers enough into Kathryn’s head. I think you pretty much always know what Ren is feeling and thinking, but Kathryn, despite being the main character, rarely seems to discuss or act out on her feelings, and it often seemed strange to try to explain her thoughts when she had no intention of sharing them or acting on them anyway.

The fourth mistake I think I made was in creating a hard magic system that wasn’t defined early enough in the story. Loyalty Fallen actually does have a hard magic system, but this remains quite unclear until very late in the story when Kathryn begins to teach Calix how to use verdant magic. Even then, there are a dozen other aspects of Loyalty Fallen’s magic that are never mentioned, like how metal magics interact with jewel magics, and why they are rarely used or mentioned. This is something that will be expanded on a great deal in the next book.

The final mistake was in not making the timeline super clear from the start. I actually got confused a few times myself and had to reference different parts of the story to remember when things occured. That’s fixed now, however, as you’ll see in the next section.

Clarifications, explanations, and timelines

Over the past 20 chapters of Loyalty Fallen, you’ve been introduced to a wide variety of characters, as well as backstories that span a number of years. I’ll start with characters.

Kathryn, Illian, and Lenore Prada: The royal children. Illian is the crown prince; however, during his time fighting two wars with Navinor, the king began grooming Kathryn to take his place, since he believed Illian was likely to die on the battlefield. Lenore is a talented mage who is studying to become a Warden.

Lady Dena: A young woman from a minor noble family, Dena has known Kathryn nearly all her life and served her for many years as her lady in waiting. She has a deep, abiding affection for Ren, which is not returned. She was captured after Lorrin’s death and is presumed dead.

Ren and Dorian Patrick: Brothers and sons of the noble Lord Patrick. While Dorian was a renowned scholar and mage, eventually to become the Head Warden of Iridalys, Ren was a “troublemaker” who his father sent away at the age of ten to live with strangers and be trained to become Kathryn’s bodyguard.

Eldric Brenin: Brenin’s first name is never used throughout the book, and this is because he isn’t close enough to anyone to be called by his first name. He was formerly one of the 11 generals of Iridalys, until he lost his wife and child and became a drunkard. The king allowed him to retire rather than dismissing him outright.

Chance and Carrie Frey: Frey is a last name that Chance gave himself because it means “free.” Chance’s father was a drunkard who beat his mother. When his mother died, Chance took Carrie and fled, but his father tracked them down and sold Carrie to pay his debts. Years later, after serving with Navinor’s military in the first war, he saved Illian’s life. In exchange, Illian promised to help save Carrie and eventually tracked her down in Tephraya. She now serves at the palace while Chance does Illian’s dirty work, acting as his spy when needed.

Trista and David Amana: Trista and David were very close siblings. David was a close friend of Illian as well, and Trista grew up close to Kathryn, but after David’s death in the first war, things only went downhill for her. She lost her father and her two other brothers in time as well, and then her mother effectively gave up on life. Illian continued to look out for Trista over the years, and now she has agreed to pretend to be in a relationship with him to flush out the assassins that are after his life.

Calix Halden: Calix is an orphan who tried to take over his parents’ job as healers, but a mistaken diagnosis led to the death of someone under his care. After being chased out of his village, he later discovered everyone there had died of an illness he could have treated. Calix became a recluse, but he still can’t turn away anyone in need.

Gregory and Lorrin: Gregory and Lorrin are the royal sons of the king of Navinor. Their father has become old and tired and is done conquering, but Gregory remains highly ambitious. He murdered his brother and pinned the blame on Kathryn.

General Xian: General Xian is the top General of Gregory’s forces and is a highly honorable man. Rumored to be from one of the kingdoms across the sea, he only appeared in the public eye during the second war and seems to have somewhat of a mysterious past. Xian seems totally loyal to the Navinorian crown.

General Valen: General Osric Valen is completely loyal to Illian and serves as one of his top defenders, as well as being one of the 11 Generals on the council. While he sometimes questions Illian’s methods, he always believes Illian intends to do the best thing for the kingdom. General Valen has a wife and child he rarely speaks about but loves dearly.

This covers the main characters throughout the first book. The second book will give you a closer look at many of their backstories and motivations.

Basic Timeline of Loyalty Fallen:

Loyalty Fallen takes place after two wars have already occured between Iridalys and Navinor, and there are a number of events that happened during the war that influence what occurs in the story. Here’s the basic timeline:

Brenin loses his family:

15 years ago; Chance was 12, Illian was 7, Ren was 5, Kathryn was 3, Trista and Lenore were both around a year old, and Carrie had just been born.

Ren comes to the palace:

10 years ago; Chance 17, Illian 12, Ren 10, Kathryn 8, Trista and Lenore were 6, and Carrie was 5.

Ren meets Kathryn:

9 years ago; Chance 18, Illian 13, Ren 11, Kathryn 9, Trista and Lenore 7. 

Carrie is sold to slave traders:

8 years ago; Chance 19, Illian 14, Ren 12, Kathryn 10, Trista and Lenore 8, Carrie 7.

1st war with Navinor:

Six years ago; Chance 21, Ilian 16, Ren 14, Kathryn 12, Trista and Lenore 10, Carrie 9.

Illian goes missing, resulting in a huge defeat for the army; Chance meets Illian for the first time; David dies:

Five years ago; Chance 22, Illian 17, Ren 15, Kathryn 13, Trista and Lenore 11, Carrie 10.

Viper Massacre/Iridalys Queen Dies; Illian finds Carrie

Four years ago; Chance 23, Illian 18, Ren 16, Kathryn 14, Trista and Lenore 12, Carrie 11.

1st war with Navinor ends; Illian begins acting erratically:

Three years ago; Chance 24, Illian 19, Ren 17, Kathryn 15, Trista and Lenore 13, Carrie 12.

2nd war with Navinor begins:

Two years ago; Chance 25, Illian 20, Ren 18, Kathryn 16, Trista and Lenore 14, Carrie 13.

2nd war with Navinor ends: 

One year ago; Chance 26, Illian 21, Ren 19, Kathryn 17, Trista and Lenore 15, Carrie 14. 

Current day: Chance 27, Illian 22, Ren 20, Kathryn 18, Trista and Lenore 16, Carrie 15

Glossary:

Here’s a brief explanation of some of the terms that don’t have a clear explanation throughout the story.

Warden: Wardens are trained mages that are in the service of Iridalys.

Azura: While much of jewel magic centers around controlling external forces that have a commonality with the jewel (using sapphires to control ice, for example), there are also disciplines of jewel magic that effectively conjure magic in it’s physical form. This drains jewels faster than merely controlling ice, for example; however, the physical form of magic can stick around for quite some time and is tougher than any other known substance. Sapphire magic’s physical form is called Azura.

Verdant magic: Verdant magic is performed with verdant opals and is predominantly used to support agriculture, since it effectively allows the control of plant life. However, during the first war, Navinor stole a major store of Verdant opals, and Iridalys struggled greatly for food ever since.

The Wasteland Crossing Treaty: Kathryn negotiated this treaty with Tephraya late in the first war with Navinor to ensure her people would have food to eat. This treaty was widely criticized by the nobles as promoting the desert King, Tarik, who was known to be a tyrant. However, it saved countless lives. The word “wasteland” refers to a stretch of completely dead desert riddled with monsters like Screlagors and poisonous snakes, which became a necessary trade route for merchants to bring their wares from Tephraya to Iridalys. Iridalys helped secure the route and supplied water to Tephraya in exchange for food and other supplies.

The Meeting of the Generals: The Meeting can only be called by a member of the royal family and it allows the General Council, which consists of Iridalys’ top generals, assigned by kings over the decades. Many of the Generals are quite old since they can only be replaced if they die or are banished. The General Council consists of 11 generals so that there will be no danger of a tied vote.

Boulder opals: These opals are used to control earth/stone materials. However, instead of fully manipulating those materials, boulder opals can only crack or destroy. They are quite dangerous to use excessively as they cause the skin of the user to split and crack and will eventually cause severe bleeding.

The Royal Warden Academy: Lenore attends this academy in hopes of becoming a Warden today. Families around Iridalys send the best and brightest of their children there in hopes that their powers as mages will allow them entrance; however, very few among the populace are chosen, and the majority of students are nobles whose hubris outweighs their skill.

Final thoughts

Feel free to put any questions this blog post failed to answer below. I’ll still be keeping up on the blog with new artworks, character profiles, side stories, backstories, and more while preparing to serialize book two of Loyalty Fallen. Please subscribe to the blog to receive updates when book two goes live, and until then, enjoy Loyalty Fallen!